My Destiny

Nature

Let me have a moment with destiny!

Let me ask some questions

O destiny! if the sun can shine,

if the stars can sparkle,

if the trees can bear fruits

Can I be like the sun, the stars or trees?

O destiny! my heart compels me to be myself

Nature - let me be one like you

Let me be bloom!

Let me bloom!

Loneliness

The Lonely

The loneliness inside beckons,

Wanting to see the unknown,

Be with one, the only one

Who can transcend this being

If death were an answer to this,

Let it come

Let it come

For I fear not the unknown,

Its the known that scares me most!

The Right to be Myself

The Right

Giving in life was easy

Till it meant love

It became tough

When giving meant denying myself 

the right to love

I Am

Spirituality

"I am not what you can see,

Neither am I what you can hear

I am what you feel"

Last Night

Death -  a new beginning

 

"Why did this happen. Is this a new karma or some of my past sins?" these were some of the thoughts going on in the mind of Rashid, when the officer on duty shouted "your mother has come, go and meet her."

Slowly, Rashid moved with the officer. He pushed Rashid to the bench where his mother was waiting. She moved her hands on his forehead and said, "Remember Allah and read the Holy Quran before...." Tears kept rolling down her cheeks as she was talking. Rashid was speechless and sat like a stone. But he could not control his emotions and broke down.

"Please forgive me ammi, I am going now."

"No, be brave – don’t cry and just remember Allah," she said and hugged him.

"Time up", came a voice from behind. Rashid again hugged his ammi and said "please don’t ever cry for me, I am a sinner." She kept her fingers on his lips, "you live in my heart", saying this she kissed him on the forehead and left.

The officer dragged Rashid towards his cell, "shame on you", he murmured as he locked the cell.

"This is my last night, tomorrow same time I would be free of this body, Allah please forgive me," with closed eyes Rashid was deliberating in his mind. "I don’t want to think about death, how beautiful life was. Sarah was my first and only love. We would go to college together, study, laugh and fight."

Sarah's smiling face kept flashing in his mind. It was hard for Rashid to forget her. "You gave me happiness and at the same time took everything away”, he said to himself.

Memories took him back to the wintry evening when he and Sarah were returning from college. They were walking towards home when a gang of four boys stopped them. "Where are you going with this lovely girl," said one of the boys. Rashid angrily said "leave our way". They recognised one of the boys; he was from Sarah's locality. The boys had sticks in their hands and started beating Rashid.

“You run, go home”, Rashid shouted at Sarah

“No, I won’t leave you and go”, she said.

Sarah was getting anxious and didn’t know how to save Rashid. Her eyes fell on a heavy stone; she picked it and without realising threw it on the boy from her locality. He immediately collapsed and fell on the ground. The other boys realising the gravity of the situation ran.

"What did I do?" Sarah said crying bitterly.

"You did nothing, I did"' Rashid whispered in her ears. "If you open your mouth I would kill myself. Promise you would say nothing." Rashid kept her hand on his head and said "promise you would live for me."

Sarah was nervous and fearful, "yes I would never open my mouth, this would be an eternal secret," she said with tears in her eyes.

Rashid safely left her home and went to the Police Station. He admitted the crime. "Murderer, cold blooded, that’s how he was addressed but only Sarah knew the truth. The legal battle was not long as Rashid admitted the crime.

The clock was striking three; he read the Namaz and smilingly moved towards the altar. Sarah's smiling face was his saving grace.

The Loss



Village Woman

 Marjari in her early twenties was already a mother of two kids, daughter and son. She lived in Sultanpuri, a small village in Uttar Pradesh with a population of about hundred families. The roads are kuchha and don’t lead to the destination. You might have to walk through the gallis to reach where you want to. A small river runs across the village which is a fun place for children. They play, swim and bathe in the river; some make sand castles with their imaginations as they have only seen huts and not houses.  

Her face was covered most of the times with pallu of her saree, only when she had to call Bhola and Shashi, she would bring it to her forehead and call. Her husband Ram Prasad worked as a day labourer on the fields. In the village, a fraction of people owned the land, majority worked like Ram Prasad.

“Can you quickly give me chapatti, Marjari I have to go to the fields”, shouted Ram Prasad, Marjari’s husband. 

“Am bringing, just give me five minutes”

“No, the sahib would cut my pay, let me go, you bring chapattis to the field”, said Ram Prasad as he made his way towards the fields.

Last year, it rained scanty resulting in low cultivation and less profit for the landlord. The daily wages of the labourers came down from one hundred eighty to one hundred fifty rupees per day. This year again it seemed to be a case of bad monsoon. It was already mid-July and there were no rains. Ram Prasad was deliberating on how he would pay back last years’ debt, fifty thousand rupees which had accumulated because of his mother’s sickness.

He told Marjari about the situation and his plans. “I would go and work in the city so we have more money and I can pay the debt easily,” he said. Marjari was sad at the thought of living away from her husband. “But how would I live?” she said wiping her tears.

There was no choice for Marjari, teary-eyed she bid farewell to Ram Prasad. Shashi and Bhola were busy in their play, they just knew that bapu had gone to the city and soon they would get new toys and clothes. 

Slowly, Marjari got busy in children and routine chores. Three months passed; there was not a single word from Ram Prasad. Marjari would run out quickly at the beep of postman’s bicycle thinking there would be a letter or money order from him. 

Now, it was getting tough for her, all rations and money had finished. As she scrambled the rice container, tears fell down, “my God, how am I going to feed my kids, this is the last katori rice,” she said to herself. 

Marjari, like other women in the village lived inside four walls and never stepped outside. However, circumstances forced her to go and speak to the village head if she could get some help. “You can start work in the fields till the time Ram Prasad comes back,” he said.

Next day onwards, Marjari started going to the fields. She would prepare lunch for children and leave for work. But she was sad, every minute her thoughts turned to Ram Prasad, where he was, if he got some work and worse she could think was if he was still alive. 

Ten months had passed but there was no news of Ram Prasad. Marjari would often hear men talking about Ram Prasad, “he has found a new memsahib, he’s not coming back; you can choose a new husband,” they said laughingly.

Marjari was getting anxious, she was praying day and night for his return. “If I could just get a letter that he is safe and would soon come back,” she said to herself “then I can show the village that he is coming back.” She was lost in her thoughts and would keep talking to herself.  

This year monsoon came in full spree; it was raining heavily when somebody banged her door. “I have sad news for you,” said the village postman. 

“What is it?” asked Marjari in trembling voice

“There is a letter which says that Ram Prasad was working as a construction labourer for Metro Railways. On 20 July, he died in an accident.”

For a few minutes she was numb. “Amma, I want to go and play in the rain,” said Bhola pulling her saree pallu. Marjari said “yes” and taking Shashi in her lap went along with Bhola. Her steps were fast as she hurried towards the river. Heavy rains had almost flooded the river. 

“Take your children home, the river is flooding,” said an elderly voice. But only the words of postman echoed in her ears. She was completely lost in herself, unaware of her actions. In a fit, she first threw Shahsi, Bhola and then jumped in the river. A fisherman was packing his daily catch of fish when he saw her falling. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the children drowning, he saved Marjari. Years later, she could still be seen looking for her children in water, crying and calling their names.
                  

  

Am I Beautiful?



Girl sitting on the beach

 Sumi, a young girl in her early twenties was sitting on a beach watching the waves come and go. She was a short girl with round face and curly hair. A pair of spectacles covered her protruding eyes. She had a peculiar dressing sense that made her stand apart from the crowd.   

“Hi, what are you thinking," a friendly voice said from behind.

Sumi turned around and said “nothing much Rohit."

“But it has to be something,” he said.

Such friendly arguments were common between them. They studied in one college and lived in the same building.

“Let’s go fast else we would miss the local train," Rohit told Sumi as he quickly moved towards the station. 
As the train took speed Sumi opened a book and started reading. “Close the book, you would lose eyesight as you are already wearing spectacles," Rohit said angrily. Sumi continued as if she did not hear anything. Rohit went close to her, removed glasses and kept them in his pocket. Sumi closed the book and started looking outside the window. She was silent.

“Hey, what happened?"

“Nothing,” she replied

“Are you angry?” Rohit asked

“Not really, I want to look outside.”

Soon their station arrived and both got down. Their house was a ten-minute walk from the station. On reaching the building, Sumi pressed the buttons in lift; she got down on third floor and without saying bye to Rohit moved out. 

“Why are you looking upset,” her mother asked Sumi at the dining table

“Mama, its final year and next month projects would start so I am tensed up.”

“Don’t worry, you are hardworking, you would do well. Also, take help from Rohit, you both can complete work together," her mother said.

Sumi did not reply to this. She quickly finished food and went to bed. She closed her eyes but could not sleep, “why does Rohit worry so much about me”, thoughts crossed her mind. “There are many beautiful girls in college; he can be friendly to them.” 

Since school, she and Rohit had been good friends but now Sumi was getting disturbed with this growing closeness. She knew she was not pretty in the conventional way and Rohit was smart, intelligent, anything a girl would desire in a man. 

Next day was Sunday and early morning her mobile beeped, it was Rohit’s message “I have started work on the project so you can join me." She read and kept the phone on her table. “I would do my own project without any support," Sumi said to herself and did not reply to the message. 

Rohit found her behaviour quite strange. In the past she would promptly reply to his messages. It was not unusual for them to work together, discuss and share. He decided to see her and talk about it. 

Sumi was having her breakfast when the doorbell rang. Her mother welcomed Rohit, “would you like to have some poha?" 

“No aunty, I just had breakfast." He sat on the dining table next to Sumi. She said “hi”, finishing poha from her plate. Rohit did not reply. “Good, you have started the project,” she said. He was silent. Sumi wiped her hands with the tissue and moved towards the study, Rohit followed her.

“Is everything all right?" 
“Yes,” Sumi replied
 “No, what’s the problem. This is the first time you have not replied to my message," he said. 

Sumi didn’t know what to say, she stood still. She was clear in her mind but had no words to describe her feelings. She evaded the topic and asked if he needed any help in his project work. “I know you are trying to avoid me, can I know the reason?"

“Well, everything doesn’t need to be reasonable,” Sumi said

He did not lose his patience and said, “Sumi, we are best friends. We share our work, concerns and if you have any problem please let me know. I have known you for almost eight years; you can’t hide truth from me." She was unmoved, quiet. Rohit kept project details on the table and left. After Rohit left, Sumi could not control and started sobbing. It was tough for her to hurt Rohit but this was the only way to keep a distance from him. She kept sobbing the whole day, her thoughts centred only on one thing “am I beautiful?” 

Often, life has its own ways and destiny is not in anybody’s hands. It was raining heavily in the evening but Sumi was adamant to visit Sai temple. She took her bike and hurried. The roads were water logged; she was paddling hard to make her way. Suddenly, a speeding truck came from behind and hit her. She fell unconscious on the road. A gentleman in his car stopped and quickly took Sumi to the nearby hospital. He also informed her parents.

Her mother rushed to the hospital. “How is my daughter”, she asked in panic to the doctor attending Sumi. 

“We are trying our best. It is head injury, we can’t say anything."

She was shaken. She immediately called Rohit and told what had happened. “Aunty, please don’t worry I am coming," he said.

The operation took more than three hours. “We could save your daughter but….”
“But what doctor, please tell me,” her mother said
“Sumi has lost her eyesight, she can’t see anymore."

Her mother was shocked. It was not easy for her to register the new reality of her daughter. She was in tears. Rohit held her hand and comforted her. “We will surely find a way out. There is no problem without a solution”, he said. 

Meanwhile, Sumi was shifted from operation theatre to the ward. She had no idea of what had happened; her eyes were wrapped with bandage. “Mama, I am sorry I shouldn’t have gone out in rain. I trouble you so much." Her mother hugged and said “you would soon be fine and then we would go home.”

She was curious to know about the bandage around her eyes. “You have a slight injury near the eyes so it needs protection," her mother said. She didn’t know how to tell Sumi that she could see no more. She was feeling utterly helpless so she came out and sat on the bench.

“Don’t worry aunty, she would be fine," said Rohit

“Sumi did not want to see her face as she felt she was not beautiful. She was trying to distance herself from you as she knew her physical attributes would never appeal to you,” her mother shared with Rohit. He listened to her and said “for me she is the most beautiful person I have ever come across.”
It was getting late and this was the second night when Rohit was awake. 

“You go back home, I would sleep in the hospital," she said wiping her tears. 

Rohit could not sleep the whole night - the time spent with Sumi, her talks, their fights kept flashing in his mind. “No matter what, I have to get back her eyes. I will not let her fall in darkness”, he said to himself.

Next day, he started searching the internet on cornea transplant surgery. Rohit’s eyes brightened when he found successful surgeries happening around the globe. It was just a question of finding the person who has donated his eyes before dying. In the evening, he came to hospital and spoke to the doctor. He assured Rohit that they have started the search and soon Sumi would be able to see.

The days in hospital were tough for Sumi’s mother as she was alone. But Rohit shared work; he would come in the afternoon, after college. He gave Sumi food, medicines but never uttered a word.  Sumi was told an attendant comes to help her and he can’t speak. On Rohit’s request his identity was not revealed.    

Destiny was on Sumi’s side. After a few days, the doctor informed that a patient has donated his eyes before death and the donated cornea is tested so the surgery can be performed. Her mother was excited and tensed at the same time for the cost of surgery was 10 lakhs. 

She told Sumi happily, “soon surgery would be done and it’s just some money which has to be arranged.”  

In the afternoon when Rohit came to the ward, he saw Sumi sitting with joined hands, praying, “Oh God, please help mama get money so the surgery can take place.” Rohit’s joy knew no bounds; he rushed to the doctor and asked if they found a donor. The doctor smiled and said “yes”. He told Rohit all the details including cost.   

Sumi was eager for the surgery, “I want to see this beautiful world, all the colours, my mama and … Rohit,” she said to herself. At night, when nurse came to make her report, Sumi told her happily that soon she would be fine and see all of them. “I just wish mama can arrange all the money quickly,” she shared with the nurse.

“Why do you worry when your husband is with you, he has given cheque to the hospital,” said the nurse. Rohit had a credit card which he made during his job as an intern. He borrowed money on the card and gave. Sumi was zapped, she knew now that it was none other than Rohit who was coming in the afternoon, helping and listening to her. 

The surgery took place and Sumi’s bandage was removed. “Mama, I can see,” she said happily. 

“My dear daughter you had lost your vision, Rohit made all the efforts so you could see. He is in the next room; you can go and meet him.”

Sumi was in tears. She went close to Rohit and said “thank you for my eyes!” 

“Now, you can look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are,” said Rohit as he embraced her.


      
  

The Truth

Spiritual flight

The only truth I have known so far,

Is that I love you!

Birds' Song

Birds enjoying

Birds in the meadow

Singing joyfully

A song of innocence

Happiness

I am Happy

Standing by the side of a lake,

An image is seen in deep waters,

To whom I ask

Is happiness a choice?

The image smiles back as I smile

I get my answer – you can choose to be Happy!

A Shadow

My Shadow

In the dark

A shadow unseen 

My  friend

Paper Boats

Paper Boats

Paper boats in water

Sailing harmoniously

A child’s joy

A Haiku on Sunrise

Rising Sun

Morning sun

Raises a toast

Winter delight

The Middle Path

The Chosen Path

The Middle Path
A question I have often been asked is “What do you do”? In the past my simple reply would be “I work for children and write about their lives, joys and challenges”. 

Of late, there has been a shift in thinking and working patterns. The not for profit sector has plethora of qualified professionals in all streams who have a drive to excel and succeed at all cost. An examination is required if this success is for the organisation or the professional. In most of the cases the professionals want to excel at the cost of the organisation. Their demand for high packages puts stress on the organisation and above all on the programmes which are being run. 

A soul searching is required in the larger interest of the development sector on how the face of this sector would be in coming days. We cannot deny the need for good professionals but as Lord Buddha puts it “Middle Path”. Are we following the “Middle Path”?